teaching.

545955_632570580135692_1333456493_n

running around, expending energy, gathering it

people that make my heart sing.

it so hard to say good bye.

the key is to feel

let it wash over

fall to your knees if you must.

cry, breathe, mourn

let go – open your eyes.

the sun is shining!

can’t you see?

girl, there in the back

head hung low. shrinking so small

so meek, so quiet.

can’t you see your beautiful?

lift your chest, gaze up

remember that you are stars.

everything is going to be ok

focus on your breath, roll your shoulders down, reach just a bit higher

you are perfect

i see you.

 

painful amounts of love,

carissa

new year!

tumblr_lixfxaogzp1qbnex9o1_500happy new year!!

ok so its mid-april. big whoop. it’s been busy and crazy. and amazing. and intense.

i’ve been riding around on a magical carpet of life, love and kombucha since we spoke last.

doing backflips and floating in a sea of cash while simultaneously feeding homeless children.

ok we’ll maybe it hasn’t been quite that dramatic. or even remotely as inspiring. but there has been progress… and that is what is important.

i’d like to thank a special lady for inspiring this post. i got to talk her through her dancers pose on a sunny rooftop in overlooking all of seattle today, read her blog after and felt compelled to come back home to return to my writing roots. so hi, hows it going?

i know this blog turned into a bit of an eating disorder tale as i used it as a means of journaling throughout treatment.

and as much as that was a part of where i was – it isn’t where i am or how i define myself now. i am more aware than i have been in a long time and realize that wherever i choose to put my focus is exactly what i will create. with that in mind: i am more healthy, strong,  and accepting of myself than ever before. ED is reminding me that i must point out that through this journey of recovery i have put on a good … 30 lbs…. since returning home, going to treatment and rediscovering my love for chocolate (and even pizza !!?!). does that mean i am at my healthiest? well much healthier than i was when all my hair was falling out. does that mean that i have healed my relationship with food, body or weight? nope. but it means that i am where i need to be and i am going to love the shit out of where ever i just so happen to be. this goes for whichever demon of a number that chooses to show itself on silver scale that determines my worth on the bathroom floor (sarcasm) or whether it be that silly number in my bank account that tells me just exactly how much i have been spending on yoga/pants/training and coffee. i am ok with all of it. and im not sure why.

i wanted to check in and say that – i love strong, funny women with a passion for pursuing life. i love late nights with myself, wine and ram dass movies. and that i graduate yoga teacher training tomorrow. im not exactly sure what that means. i am growing roots. getting to know myself. and learning to love myself and others a little more each day.

till the next time.

yours truly,

misscarissas